TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
