Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Soap is not a condiment
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize