Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
