i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
