Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
