Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
