Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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