we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
