wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
