pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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