Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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