There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
