Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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