I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
