Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
