imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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