i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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