i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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