Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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