K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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