Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
