Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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