dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize