what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
