Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
