Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize