I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
