plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I stole a fireplace last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
