Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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