I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
