how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
