hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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