Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
