im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
