Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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