your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
