Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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