I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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