so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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