I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
