Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
