oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize