I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
