guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
