If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
