Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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