Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
