I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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