wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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