Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
