You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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