Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
