Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i came on her dog
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
