What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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