I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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