Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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