I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
