If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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