Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
