So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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