when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
