I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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