He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
