i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
