These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
