Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
