why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
