What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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