WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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