I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
