glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
