My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize