if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
